As I said earlier I was suppose to go out tonight, that didn't happen. Came home from work exhausted and with a wicked headache. Ate dinner and sat on the couch and fell asleep. That headache is still here and I'm awake sitting here feeling sorry for myself.
I watached some of 20/20 tonight about weight loss, people who have lost over 100 pounds and those who have lost and gained. Welcome to that club! It made me think though, why do some of us work and work at losing weight, do so and are so happy with ourselves only to put it all back on and more in some cases? Why are others so successful at keeping it off?
I don't know why I'm one of those that keep fighting, losing, gaining and repeating the cycle. I read all these other people's blogs about losing weight and I relate to them. I'm desperate.....I mean really desperate. The more I try to get myself in the zone the more I crave sweets, am so damn tired, so damn down that I can't shake it!
Tomorrow I am going to have my 2 hr sugar test done, not looking forward to it. I freaking hate needles....getting one gives me heart palpatations never mind having one, drinking this freaking icky sugary drink then having another blood test in two hours! It sucks!!!! After that I am going to look into purchsing a polar heart monitor/calorie burner type watch. This way when I work out next week, I can see how many calories I've burnt off.
Ok I am going to try to get some sleep, shake off this headache and try to get my head in a better place.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Friday!!!!!
I honestly thought I posted yesterday!!! Guess I'm losing my mind, I just wish I could lose weight as fast as I do memory cells lol.
I really have to say that I am so happy that it's Friday! Not so happy that this Sunday my girls are heading back to school. I am going to miss them so much. I hate when they aren't home. My husband says that I go overboard, but I can't help it. The house is alive when they are home. It's so quiet when they aren't.
As far as food I'm doing ok. Stayed within my points, but I think I have to make my portions somewhat smaller. The problem is that I feel hungry all the time! I haven't worked out because quite honestly I've been exhausted. That will change next week. Tuesday is gym day.
I'm really looking forward to Tuesday for another reason all together, I'm hoping to get a new job, it's a lateral transfer but it's out of where I am and after 20 some odd years here at the same office, it's time to move on!! So wish me luck!
Heading out tonight for a friend's birthday, will eat before I go out, and I'm not a drinker so that cuts down on the calorie count lol.
Until next time keep working it!
I really have to say that I am so happy that it's Friday! Not so happy that this Sunday my girls are heading back to school. I am going to miss them so much. I hate when they aren't home. My husband says that I go overboard, but I can't help it. The house is alive when they are home. It's so quiet when they aren't.
As far as food I'm doing ok. Stayed within my points, but I think I have to make my portions somewhat smaller. The problem is that I feel hungry all the time! I haven't worked out because quite honestly I've been exhausted. That will change next week. Tuesday is gym day.
I'm really looking forward to Tuesday for another reason all together, I'm hoping to get a new job, it's a lateral transfer but it's out of where I am and after 20 some odd years here at the same office, it's time to move on!! So wish me luck!
Heading out tonight for a friend's birthday, will eat before I go out, and I'm not a drinker so that cuts down on the calorie count lol.
Until next time keep working it!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Day 2
Today is starting off pretty good, I woke at 5:15 am. Didn't feel like going into work but then when do I ever! lol. I showered and went downstairs to get my lunch together. I had most of it done as I did some last night. Made my breakfast and headed into work. What I would like to know is why when I'm home I'm never hungry. I come into work and I'm freaking starving!!!! I already ate breakfast, then I had some of my fruit and now I've had more of my fruit. I take lunch in an hour so I'm not dipping into my goody bag again until then. lol. I will be able to leave at 4 pm today, hopefully get home with enough daylight to take the dog out and get at least a half hour walk in. If not then I am going to get my butt downstairs and on that treadmill!
At work there is a group of women who last year did like a biggest loser. Each person puts in 5.00 at the start, then if you lose weight you don't pay, if you gain or stay the same you pay a dollar. So I've given in my 5.00. I figured it's more of an incentive. At the end you could win a nice pot, if your the Biggest Loser! lol Well at the end of this year that Money is MINE! I intend to be the biggest loser plus I have more to lose then the rest of the girls lol.
I'll most likely post again tonight. I keeps me in focus.
At work there is a group of women who last year did like a biggest loser. Each person puts in 5.00 at the start, then if you lose weight you don't pay, if you gain or stay the same you pay a dollar. So I've given in my 5.00. I figured it's more of an incentive. At the end you could win a nice pot, if your the Biggest Loser! lol Well at the end of this year that Money is MINE! I intend to be the biggest loser plus I have more to lose then the rest of the girls lol.
I'll most likely post again tonight. I keeps me in focus.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Day 1 - January 1 2013
Ok here we are!!! I've been good as far as my food consumption. Stayed within my points on WW. Still have 8 points left, I probably will be having another yogurt shortly and thats it for the night. I came across this on the WW site and figured why not post this on my blog!
| (Location) GEORGETOWN, ON (Name) Yvette L's New Year's Resolution It's a new year for a new me! This year, I will LOSE WEIGHT. I'm doing it for MYSELF, because I want to feel GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I want to look GREAT. And I want to know that I'M HEALTHY. This is the year I'll make it happen. I know it won't be easy, but this is the year I'll overcome the things that have stopped me in the past, such as BEING LAZY, GIVING UP, and TOO HIGH EXPECTATIONS. This is the year I'll dedicate myself to my weight loss journey. I'll do whatever it takes to make it to my goal and stay there, including JOURNALING MY FOOD, WORKING OUT, and MAINTAINING A GOOD ATTITUDE TOWARDS MYSELF I'm resolved, and I'm going to do it: This is the year I'm going to make my dream come true, my dream to BE HEALTHY, HAPPY, AND THINNER. This is the year! Signed: Yvette L  Starting Weight: 240.00 |
Monday, December 31, 2012
Day before the official beginning
Well here it is, Dec/31st, 2012. The day before the official beginning of no more excuses! As my last fattening meal I will have having Chinese food for dinner tonight. It's a tradition, well at least for the last 4 years it has been. lol. I looked into purchasing a Polar T7 and I think from everything I have read and heard about it, it's a great tool to use. So most likely on Saturday I will head out in search of one of these things.
I also heard about Isogentics, thought I'd try that to help move me along. Unfortunately, I can't afford to try it at this point in time. So, it's gonna have to be hard work on my part! lol.
Well since it's the Eve of the beginning, how about I made some goals for 2013. My first goal will be a baby step: To lose 10 pounds by the end of January!
Goal 2: To work out every day
Goal 3: To find new employment (or transfer out)
Goal 4: To go away in February at least 20 pounds lighter.
Goal 5: Here's the big one, to have lost 80 pounds by the end of 2014.
I will end for now and of course be back tomorrow for the Offical Start! Happy New Year everyone!
"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called "Opportunity" and its first chapter is New Year's Day."
~~~Edith Lovejoy Pierce~~~
I also heard about Isogentics, thought I'd try that to help move me along. Unfortunately, I can't afford to try it at this point in time. So, it's gonna have to be hard work on my part! lol.
Well since it's the Eve of the beginning, how about I made some goals for 2013. My first goal will be a baby step: To lose 10 pounds by the end of January!
Goal 2: To work out every day
Goal 3: To find new employment (or transfer out)
Goal 4: To go away in February at least 20 pounds lighter.
Goal 5: Here's the big one, to have lost 80 pounds by the end of 2014.
I will end for now and of course be back tomorrow for the Offical Start! Happy New Year everyone!
"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called "Opportunity" and its first chapter is New Year's Day."
~~~Edith Lovejoy Pierce~~~
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Day one getting closer
So January 1st is coming closer, and yet I don't feel to be in that 'zone' like I was last year. I feel tired, fed up, sick, ashamed that I am starting over again. Every feeling one could have I am going through. Did I mention in my first post how I embarass both my daughters. I know they are disappointed in me, they will try to change my food choices by saying "Mom do you really need that?" I know they aren't trying to be cruel, they want me to be healthy. They also know about my sugar being elevated, my blood pressure being high, cholestoral *sp* also being high. They know all about these health issues and yet I still let them down. I let me down! Maybe I need to talk to my shrink about this stuff, I've already told him that I basically hate myself. What more do i have to say that would show that I need more help.
I don't think someone should have to wake up sad, live their day in a sad state and go to bed sad. There has to be more out there. I didn't mention earlier that I had Cancer. 15 yrs ago or so I had AML Acute Myloid Lukemia. I'm good now, and feel blessed to be still here. I also am confused as to why this is? Why I'm here and other's aren't. I live in constant fear that my Cancer or another type will come back. It's the first thing in my mind in the morning and the last before I fall asleep. It's been a very conflicting 15 years or so. Do you know how tiring it is to be happy about being alive, but also living in constant fear. I know, you guys are probably saying, I am the half full type of person, I 'm not, your probably saying "get over it already" and believe me there is nothing I'd like more then to 'get over it' Unfortunately, it's not that simple. I know that any person who has had cancer is living with this same fear, for some it's something they can deal with, for others like myself it has crippled them.
Maybe I have too many issues to deal with and try to lose weight. Maybe I have to fight more to find the right help Ineed. I hate taking medication to make me 'happy' Medication I might add that doesn't really do that. Maybe what I need is to try to move on and not look back.............oh wait I've tried that. Hasn't worked yet.
I think that I have to live the shame I went through in Windsor to give me that kick in the pants. I mean really wake me up. Maybe not, I mean when your doctor tells you that you need to lose weight otherwise you may not be here in much longer, it should strike fear in you right? It doesn't, What make me cringe is have my beautiful daughter's think of me a failure. That alone should be the kick in the ass that I need. My mind set is going there on January 1st!!!! Come hell or high water. I need to lose weight for many reasons. My health is one, my mental health is a priority as well, but the love of my daughter's and how they look at me is the main purpose. I want them proud of their mother. I want to be finally proud of me.
I haven't spoken about my husband as of yet, but I will now. He's a really super guy. He loves me , even though I don't deserve to be loved. When I was sick he was there every night, worrying by my bedside. Afterwards though, he pulled back it seemed to me. We are still together after 20 plus years, but I want more from this. I've always wanted a man who looked at me and you could see the deep love he has for you in his eyes. I don't have that right now. I think he's disgusted in me as well, he doesn't say anything about my weight. I mean he will say now and again that I should try to lose weight. When I do, like last summer, there is no encouragement, there doesn't seem to be any pride in the fact that I have lost weight. All I seem to get is "that's nice, but you have more to lose' I know that I look to him for approval of what I do, and when I do succeed I don't feel that I have because his approval isn't there. I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because he is a good guy, he just doesn't know how to express himself. He sometimes talks and I look at him and wonder WFT are saying? Maybe it's his how he was brought up, maybe it's just him and a skill he lacks, I don't know. But it makes me very unhappy, uptight, I feel like I'm walking on a tight rope with him, He never seems happy and in my mind I make that my fault. Maybe I have to stop making it my fault and start living for me. So that is another goal in my list for 2013. To live for me, while trying to strike a balance to make my husband happy. Now that is one goal that if accomplished lol I should win a gold medal for lol.
Ok so maybe writting this blog will help me, I feel better putting my feelings and thoughts down on 'paper' so to speak. I will work on my affirmation list. What's that you may ask? Well, I am going to make a list of the top five things I want to accomplish in the first 6 month of the new year. And I will succeed in doing so.
Affirmation number 1
Make a Affirmation list!
For now I have to take off and shower and take the dog out for his walk. Exercise is on that list as well!
Hope everyone has a great Sunday!
I don't think someone should have to wake up sad, live their day in a sad state and go to bed sad. There has to be more out there. I didn't mention earlier that I had Cancer. 15 yrs ago or so I had AML Acute Myloid Lukemia. I'm good now, and feel blessed to be still here. I also am confused as to why this is? Why I'm here and other's aren't. I live in constant fear that my Cancer or another type will come back. It's the first thing in my mind in the morning and the last before I fall asleep. It's been a very conflicting 15 years or so. Do you know how tiring it is to be happy about being alive, but also living in constant fear. I know, you guys are probably saying, I am the half full type of person, I 'm not, your probably saying "get over it already" and believe me there is nothing I'd like more then to 'get over it' Unfortunately, it's not that simple. I know that any person who has had cancer is living with this same fear, for some it's something they can deal with, for others like myself it has crippled them.
Maybe I have too many issues to deal with and try to lose weight. Maybe I have to fight more to find the right help Ineed. I hate taking medication to make me 'happy' Medication I might add that doesn't really do that. Maybe what I need is to try to move on and not look back.............oh wait I've tried that. Hasn't worked yet.
I think that I have to live the shame I went through in Windsor to give me that kick in the pants. I mean really wake me up. Maybe not, I mean when your doctor tells you that you need to lose weight otherwise you may not be here in much longer, it should strike fear in you right? It doesn't, What make me cringe is have my beautiful daughter's think of me a failure. That alone should be the kick in the ass that I need. My mind set is going there on January 1st!!!! Come hell or high water. I need to lose weight for many reasons. My health is one, my mental health is a priority as well, but the love of my daughter's and how they look at me is the main purpose. I want them proud of their mother. I want to be finally proud of me.
I haven't spoken about my husband as of yet, but I will now. He's a really super guy. He loves me , even though I don't deserve to be loved. When I was sick he was there every night, worrying by my bedside. Afterwards though, he pulled back it seemed to me. We are still together after 20 plus years, but I want more from this. I've always wanted a man who looked at me and you could see the deep love he has for you in his eyes. I don't have that right now. I think he's disgusted in me as well, he doesn't say anything about my weight. I mean he will say now and again that I should try to lose weight. When I do, like last summer, there is no encouragement, there doesn't seem to be any pride in the fact that I have lost weight. All I seem to get is "that's nice, but you have more to lose' I know that I look to him for approval of what I do, and when I do succeed I don't feel that I have because his approval isn't there. I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because he is a good guy, he just doesn't know how to express himself. He sometimes talks and I look at him and wonder WFT are saying? Maybe it's his how he was brought up, maybe it's just him and a skill he lacks, I don't know. But it makes me very unhappy, uptight, I feel like I'm walking on a tight rope with him, He never seems happy and in my mind I make that my fault. Maybe I have to stop making it my fault and start living for me. So that is another goal in my list for 2013. To live for me, while trying to strike a balance to make my husband happy. Now that is one goal that if accomplished lol I should win a gold medal for lol.
Ok so maybe writting this blog will help me, I feel better putting my feelings and thoughts down on 'paper' so to speak. I will work on my affirmation list. What's that you may ask? Well, I am going to make a list of the top five things I want to accomplish in the first 6 month of the new year. And I will succeed in doing so.
Affirmation number 1
Make a Affirmation list!
For now I have to take off and shower and take the dog out for his walk. Exercise is on that list as well!
Hope everyone has a great Sunday!
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