Well, my title may give it away. I will be starting to lose weight AGAIN! Yes, I like many others start out to lose weight, some do, some don't, but either way they fall off that wagon! This time last year I was down 50 pounds! What makes someone who was soooooo damn close the being in the 100's for the first time in 20 years fall off? Let me give you some background first as to what finally motivated me enough to lose that much weight.
My youngest was looking at Universities, we travelled to Windsor, Ontario to check out the University there. Since it's 4 hours away we stayed overnight. We arrived, had a nice dinner, then headed back to the hotel for the night. We got up early and headed to the University for a tour. There is alot of walking involved, but hey that was ok by me.
When we went to one of the dorms for a tour, we were met by a young man who asked a group of us (probably 10 people or so) if they wouldn't mind taking the stairs to go view the dorm rooms. Well, I didn't say anything, because really I didn't want to take the stairs when there were perfectly good elevators there! My vote didn't count because of course everyone said YES! This young man then says, ok so we are bound for the 8th FLOOR!!!! What!!!! Are you kidding me????? Then to my dismay, the door for the stairs was right behind, you guessed it! ME!!!! Holy crap! What does one do in this situation? Well, you can hold the door open and hope everyone goes before you, or you can not think that fast on your feet and take the damn stairs, leading the pack. So here I go all 249 pounds, bounding up those stairs at a record speed, so that I don't embarass my daughter by being so slow that everyone passes me and smirks at the fat lady! Unfortunately, somewhere at the 4 floor, my mind was saying go go go but my body said, THAT'S IT! I slowed down and allowed others to pass me. Once everyone was at least a floor or two ahead of me, I had to stop. I couldn't breathe!! I've never experienced that, so I stopped for a few minutes, drank some water. At this point everyone was already touring the rooms. I started up again and made it. Once at the top my daughter was there asking if I was ok. Sure I said! Well that was obviously a lie! I started coughing and coughing, to the point of almost puking!
What I tried so hard not to do had been lost as I ended up embarrasing her to the utmost. I went into the bathroom where I tried not to be sick. After sometime, she sent me a text asking me where I was. I walked into the hallway, and there she was. She wasn't a happy camper. Everyone had already gone downstairs, so we took the elevator down. Walked outside and sat down for a minute. My daughter then said that she wanted to leave. I asked her if it was because of my almost dying a few minutes earlier. She didn't respond, I know she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but she had. Most of all, I had hurt myself. I started to cry and told her I was so sorry, I had tried so hard not to embarass her but in end I had.. She just said that I had to try to lose some weight, not for her but for myself. This was the FIRST TIME either of my beautiful daughter's had said these words to me. I convinced her I was ok to continue on and then I promised her that I would work to lose the weight.
Well upon returning home, I joined WW and it was working, I walked everyday, watched everything I ate and the weight was coming off. I got down to 212 pounds!!!!! That was up in Feb of 2012 well, the weight loss was then the tour was in October of 2011. The downfall, came in Feb, when we went to Florida on vacation. I had the stupid mentality of "I'm on vacation! I can eat what I want!" Well that isn't true! I fell off that wagon, and upon returning home the wagon ended up on top of me. I haven't been able to crawl out from under it yet and we are now as I write this then end of December 2012.
I've been dealing with depression, self loathing, health issues but I'm not going to use these as excuses. I let my daughter's, my husband but most importantly myself down. I have decided that 2013 is a good year to start fresh. I will start again, but this time I hope that I continue and not let myself down. I hope to start to love myself, because really how can you succeed if you don't? I know that I am not the easiest person to deal with, and I think that is because I am so NOT happy with myself. I don't dress how I want to dress because nothing fits! I really want to have a breast lift, but until I've lost weight really it's not worth wasting my money on. Then I think, really do you have 6000 in funds for that? NO! but I've decided that I don't care. I will lose the weight I need to lose, at least 130 pounds, then my ultimate gift to myself will be to have that operation. Once I do, I know that I will have succeeded. Instead of being this overweight, droopy saggy boobed bitch I will be a happy, healthy, perky boobed hottie! lol
I guess this is the start of a relationship with myself as well as you fellow readers. I want to thank you now for taking the time to read my blog, and I welcome whatever comments you wish to make, be it bad or good.
Thanks and Happy New Year! May 2013 be a great year for everyone!
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